About this blog....

Welcome to Things In My Rear view Mirror. This is a collection of stories based on true events throughout my life. Some are very good memories, some are not so good. However, all are written from my point of view at the age they occurred. No harm, pain or otherwise negativity is meant with my writing. This blog is intended to help me heal as well as share with those important in my life the good, the bad, the ups and the downs that make me who I am and who I am proud to be today.
And no, I do not and will not change names.
All material, stories, pictures, videos on this blog and all it's pages are completely and fully the original work of Janet Jones and are not permitted to be used in any form without express written permission of the author Janet Jones. Protected by Copyscape DMCA Takedown Notice Infringement Search Tool

Saturday, April 23, 2011

We'll be ok....

"You know, it's ok to go," I said as I choked back my tears.  I am determined to be strong and present a non emotional front because I know that I am really treading out on thin ice so to speak with this subject.

Uncle Bill takes a deep breath and turns his head towards me.  Shockingly, he doesn't seem upset with me as I had expected he would.  Instead, I think I see a single tear escape the brim of his eyelid and roll unwanted down his cheek.

"Not yet. I can't. Who will take care of everyone? That's my job."

"Oh, Uncle Bill. You already have. You've been taking care of us all our entire lives. It's time for you to do what you need to for you," I said.

Uncle Bill looks at me with searching eyes and turns away pretending to fiddle with the bed controls as another tear escapes down the crease in his cheek. Waiting for both of us to gain control of our emotions I too turn away swallowing hard and hoping my tears would not fall.

Taking a slow, deep breath I say, "Uncle Bill. We would not be the people today without everything you have done for each of us. I mean look at Billy Joe and Collin. They are both happy and doing great.  Look at me. Did anyone ever think I would find a man as good as Chuck to take care of me and my kids?"

Sternly, he says, "No. You will never find another good man like Chuck." Uncle Bill has always been firm on this subject. I think it's because he doesn't have to worry about me or the kids.

"I know this is a tough subject but we have to talk about it. I promise we will be ok. You need to think of yourself for the first time in all these years. Think how happy you will be Uncle Bill." I am openly crying now and I don't care.  I want him out of pain and for him to be happy so badly.  "Uncle Bill, I know you don't want me to say all this." He turns and looks at me with what is clearly an unhappy, almost mad facial expression.

Taking a huge breath and going for the plunge I say, "Well, what do you expect me to do? I learned from the best how to take care of business and the ones I love.  And right now you, how you feel and how I love you are my business." I quickly look down at my lap fearful I may have gone too far with my words but knowing I am the only one that could get away with saying it. I take another huge gulp of air and say, "You should be proud of me. I learned and listened to you.  I am who I am and I do what I do because of you."

Looking down as if he were a tiger that had just realized his match he sighs.  Slowly, he brings his eyes back up to meet mine and he says, "I am proud of you, Janet."

I draw in what feels like the biggest, deepest breath I have ever taken and softly say, "Then trust that we will be ok and trust me when I say I promise you that I will make sure that everyone is ok."

Several minutes go by before I finally see or I think I see what is the tiniest nod of his head.  "Yes, you'll all be ok," he whispered.

1 comment:

  1. Sad post, but something special in being able to say goodbye to someone before they go. Hugs.